About

About Me, Part I

Surviving…but barely

The 50’s

Born in 1950 to Jewish parents, I became immediately steeped in the mainstream media of the 50’s: Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Peggy Lee, Ella Fitzgerald and The Ed Sullivan Show. Although my family attended a reform Jewish temple, we never read the Bible. Oh, we celebrated the “High Holy Days,” but based on the behavior of my family and the character of my father – an unpredictable rage-aholic – those holidays were bereft of meaning.

By the age of six, I remember being so afraid of my father that when he raised his hand to come across the room to spank me, I would squat and pee before he ever reached me. Thereafter, he dragged me into the bathroom to spank me over the toilet.

People at my temple saw my father angrily dragging me by the scruff of the neck out to the car when he had difficulty finding me among my playmates, or if I was late meeting my parents after “Sunday school” (which, of course, was held on Saturday).  No one ever did or said anything.

My older cousin molested me when I was eight and he was 14. It was a continuing thing whenever the relatives got together. The kids – meaning him and me – were shuffled off to another room while the adults talked. My mother knew because I told her by writing her a note; my uncle knew because he walked in on it, and quietly walked out again. No one stopped it or said a word.

At the age of 10, I confided in my mother’s best friend that I wanted to kill myself. She laughed.

The 60’s

When we were 12 at confirmation, the rabbi yelled in frustration at one of my friends because he couldn’t articulate part of the confirmation script we practiced. My friend had a serious and pronounced stutter. It was at that moment I gave up organized religion.

By this time, I was in jr. high school, having been put ahead two years in school. I was an outcast to say the least, and some of the painful memories remain in my brain, though thankfully, I have forgotten most of it. I entered high school at 14 and partnered up with a few other outcasts to have a few other folks to sit with at lunch. By the time high school ended, I clearly was what others would call a hippie.

The rest of the 60’s were filled with questions and challenges – to my parents, to my teachers, to my friends’ behavior, and to my own world view. I was just beginning to seek, but didn’t know yet what I was seeking.

70’s

While I was definitely not abiding in God in my twenties, he was without question abiding in me. Sex, drugs, a suicide attempt, a disastrously failed marriage (that was entered into mainly to run away from my father) brought me closer to death in my body and soul than I ever want to be again. I survived that decade, but barely, and only with God’s grace and mercy. I didn’t know it then, but looking back, I can see His intervening hand all over me and my circumstances.

Want to know how I got here from there?

Come back next week for

Christ’s Open Door and Extended Hand

Want to know more about my walk with Jesus?

Read Heart Condition.

 

211 comments

  1. Thanks for sharing – deeply encouraging to hear how the grace of God undoes darkness in people’s lives! Praise Him! Isaiah 1:18.

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    1. Yes, praise Him in the darkness and the light! Thank you so much for reading all this.

      Like

  2. I love your way of speaking and how you talk…
    If you want to, add here…
    I am just a Scottish lad looking for the truth Susan.. .x
    https://www.facebook.com/groups/ShaunyNews1/

    Like

    1. Thank you, Shaun. I’m blessed and humbled by your words and invitation.
      Not on FB much anymore, but I will stop by.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Please do.. I make friends here, that is what the internet is for. The rest is just ‘because’.. lol..

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Thought I had to scroll down forever. Haha! xD

    Just wanted to thank you for reblogging Jarrett’s blog post, Susan! I had enjoyed the read and his honesty. It was quite interesting, as I myself have had questions on the topic, and how I felt about it. Have a wonderful Lord’s Day today!

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    1. You’re welcome. Yes, it was great in quantity, but greater in quality. Hence the reblog.

      Like

  4. The True Light! · · Reply

    We have some things in common…especially in the early adult years. This is a great “About” page, never read one like it before. Hey, thanks for your visit today and please come back!

    Steve

    Like

    1. Thank you! And I’ll definitely be back. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The True Light! · ·

        That would be my pleasure! Ask any questions or make comments as well!

        Steve

        Liked by 1 person

    2. BTW, the photo you have under your 1 John 2:18-21 post is of Darwin Shaw, who played Peter in The Bible mini series; not John. Didn’t want to comment on your site, but you might want to correct it. Sebastian Knapp played John. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The True Light! · ·

        Oops! Thank you so much for the information, and the discretion, Susan! That’s very kind of you…I’ll make a change.

        Steve

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Every journey has trials and sorrows, but yours clearly held more than many in the past. I’m so happy for you that you’ve found a place of healing and peace, renewal and hope. May it always be so!
    Blessings,
    Kathryn

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    1. Thank you, Kathryn.

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  6. Thank you Susan, you made my whole day with that.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi Susan

    Thanks for coming by and following my blog, I hope you find a blessing there.

    Like

    1. Already have, Wally.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Blessed by your testimony. Looking forward to reading more on your blog.

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    1. Thank you, Lynette.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I love the ‘life-long learner bit.’ I want to be that until the Lord brings me into his ‘new heaven and earth.’

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    1. Amen to that, Erroll.

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  10. Sending you warm hugs and love, Susan. I could relate to this and thank you for sharing this part of your life. Thanking our Father, YHWH for His Healing and ever present Love-Himself.

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    1. Thank you so very much.

      Like

  11. Thank you for having the courage to share a part of your testimony, I know that your story has and will continue to touch and heal the lives of other people.

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    1. Thank you, and bless you.

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  12. Thanks for sharing your story; I care. Please consider John 17:3 as it tells of a spiritual relationship with God. Blessings to you.

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  13. Great work and reading I found your blog by chance and decided to follow still reasonably new at this also.

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    1. Thank you. Hang in there. It’s a great community. I’ll visit your blog today.

      Like

  14. An Unfolding Glory · · Reply

    I nominated your wonderful blog for the One Lovely Blog award because I think it’s awesome! There is no obligation on your part, but if choose to accept this award, the rules are posted on my blog (anunfoldingglory.wordpress.com) If you get the chance, I recommend that you check out the other great Christian blogs that I’ve linked to.

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    1. Wow, thank you so very much. Under my Notices page I’ve posted that mine is an award-free blog, but I appreciate the nomination and I’ll certainly visit the other Christian blogs.
      Thank you again.

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      1. An Unfolding Glory · ·

        I missed that and I completely understand!

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      2. 🙂
        Thanks for raising awareness for those of us shining the light of the Lord.

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      3. An Unfolding Glory · ·

        It’s my pleasure! 🙂 Many blessings to you. Keep making the internet a little brighter as you reflect Jesus.

        Like

  15. Thank you Susan for your post on Paul’s page about trying to be God. It made its mark in my heart.

    Be blessed Susan and God speed

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  16. Hi Susan! I know you run an award-free site, but I couldn’t help but mention you in my nominations for the Inspirational Blogger Award, just as a thank you for all your support and beause your blog deserves as many mentions as possible! All the best 🙂

    Like

    1. Oh, thank you and bless you, Rachel. I appreciate it very much. You’re an angel. ❤

      Like

  17. Susan I have nominated you for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award at http://kittomalley.com/2014/08/08/sisterhood-of-the-world-bloggers-award/. Thank you for reminding us that there is always hope.

    Like

    1. Oh, Kitt. Thank you and bless you.
      Mine is an Award-Free site. It’s listed under Notices. I so appreciate you thinking of me, especially this particular award. The nominations means so much coming from you.
      Yes, there is hope, there is light. And there is love.

      Like

      1. Just know that I appreciate your support. Sorry I didn’t notice the Notices. I understand, though, for responding to award nominations can take time and energy away from work, play, family, and friends.

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      2. An I yours, Kitt.
        I hope you will feel it in tomorrow’s praise poem. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  18. So glad you found my little blog and I look forward to visiting yours as well. Peace!

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    1. Natch, Debi. 🙂

      Like

  19. I just found your blog while looking for new friends! Count me in, and feel free to visit anytime.
    Elouise

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    1. Thank you, Elouise. I’ll go visit and give a read this morning.

      Like

  20. Once we put our hurts in God’s hands, the healing can begin!

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    1. Amen, Debbie!

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  21. Oh I am just so sorry, on behalf of “The Church” and it’s people who are messed up, I’m so sorry. I am SO thankful that God intervened and loves you, and me. I am so glad you were able to hang on when you couldn’t see God. It’s an amazing testimony, and I bet God has sent tons of people your way just like you- so you can help them, too. You’ll be in my prayers! So glad I found your blog! ❤ Brittany Psalm 37:4, Hebrews 12:28-29.

    Like

    1. Thank you, Brittany. He has given me so much, and it was in His perfect timing that He called me to Himself through Jesus. I am thankful every day that His loving arms surround me.

      So glad to meet you. On my way over to your blog now!

      Like

  22. Thank you for your like on my page. Your testimony is heart wrenching. Thanks be to god that he never leaves us alone. He is closer to us in our low points than we think.

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    1. He absolutely is. Always. Thank you for your visit.

      Like

  23. Thank you Susan Irene for visiting our site and affirming our message. As i read your bio, I thought of the “blessed’s of Matthew 5. for “the poor in spirit”, “those who mourn”, etc. You and I had a lot of abuse growing up. Thank you for honestly sharing that pain.

    Perhaps our history is why we are so sensitive and receptive to the love dimension of the gospel. We recognize it because we so desperately wanted it as children.

    I’m glad you and Jesus found each other. He is very precious to me. The emphasis of our blog came to me years ago in a vision of a young woman, lost and alone in the wild, wearing a torn wedding dress, bruised and forsaken. Each step she took left a bloody footprint. Since I am not given to visions, I asked the Lord, “Who is this, Jesus?” He replied, My bride, my American bride.”

    He still loves His church, but she needs to discover the Forgotten commandment of Jesus, “Love one another,” is just as important as loving Him. I hear him say to me, “Love me, Love
    my bride. And I try. I try.

    Wade

    Like

    1. Thank you, Wade. I found Jesus because He found me first, and I am so thankful He did. As you can see, I was a lost sheep. I agree that we in America have forgotten this commandment. It is up to us to be a vessel for His continual reminder, pouring out His living water to quench the thirst that everyone so desperately needs.

      Thank you for being His light, and for your words of encouragement.

      Like

  24. You have a powerful testimony and I’m blessed every time I read your blog. You are diligent to point others to Christ. It’s why I wanted to nominate you for the Most Influential Blogger award. Whether or not you choose to accept, it’s my way of thanking you for influencing others with the Good News. (You can find out more about accepting the award here: http://wp.me/p3CFNO-dl) Blessings! Paige

    Like

    1. Oh, Paige, thank you for your thoughtfulness. Actually, under my Notices tab, I have a Blog Free Awards notice, but I truly appreciate your generosity. I simply pray I encourage, and open eyes and ears to the love of our Lord.

      Bless you.

      Like

  25. Hello There!
    I look forward to really diving into your blog. Also, thank you for following my blog at Faith1st Ministries. I hope it has and will continue to be a major blessing in your life. May God richly bless you as you continue to write and blog. Please continue with us on this journey and remember to have Faith 1st because the “just shall live by his faith.” — Sebastian

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    1. Thank you so much. The more of us who seek first His kingdom, the more seeds will be planted. Bless you, Sebastian.

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      1. You’re welcome and so right! Blessings to you and yours as well!

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  26. Thank you for the follow on my blog! I read this post of yours and I admire you for how you have dealt with a rough life. So happy that you have found the love of God and let him strengthen you! God bless you. I look forward to getting to know more about you as I follow your blog!

    Like

  27. Hi Susan,
    Thank you for stopping by today. Your bio certainly strikes a chord with me, we have much in common. I admire your vulnerability and honesty; I look forward to reading much more about you and your journey.

    Like

    1. As do I yours, Denise. Have a great Sunday.

      Like

  28. Hey Susan! Just tuned in and gave you a follow. Visit me if you’d like over at http://www.thatssojacob.wordpress.com and enjoy my weird world! thanks and have a great day 🙂

    Like

    1. Jacob, thank you. I checked out your blog and love it. Weird? No. Refreshing and hysterical? Absolutely. Count me in! So glad you stopped by.

      Like

      1. Thanks Susan, and congrats on becoming my 300th follower!

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      2. 😀 Awesome!

        Like

  29. You have a very heart-wrenching and compelling story, Susan. I look forward to reading more of it.

    Like

    1. Thanks, Tony.

      Like

  30. Such a painful history. Thank God you survived it. Thank you for sharing your story of survival and rebirth.

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    1. Thanks, Kitt. Looking back, I can now see my dad was probably bipolar and had no diagnosis. I feel sadness for him; he had no idea what he was dealing with. I’m lucky – I know; I have medication and God to see me through it all.

      Like

  31. Ajaytao2010 · · Reply

    Nice reading about you
    Thanks for visiting my blog. Be in touch. Browse through the category sections, I feel you may find something of your interest.

    Please visit my new blog, hope you like it 🙂
    http://ajaytaobotanicalblog.wordpress.com/
    thank you so much dear 🙂

    Like

    1. I did, and the photos are lovely.

      Like

      1. Ajaytao2010 · ·

        Thank you so much dear 🙂

        Like

  32. bunnyb1802 · · Reply

    I am stunned by what you’ve endured and so glad that Father came to find you. May He continue to bring healing and peace into your life.

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    1. Thank you. We all go through darkness; it’s how we respond to it that makes all the difference. Bless you for your prayer.

      Like

  33. You are not only an inspiration but one indestructible cookie! Glad we “met” today. I can’t wait to see what God does next through you!

    Like

  34. […] is the true spirit of encouragement shining through! But first, please take a few minutes and get to know Susan (@susanirenefox). Hey, while you’re there, why not check out Susan’s #MyWritingProcess […]

    Like

  35. Such a powerful testimony, thank you for sharing. It hurts my heart to hear what no child should ever have to go through. I thank Jesus that he knew you through it all and has delivered you to a place where you can share and help others. God bless you!

    Like

    1. Thank you, Terese. My life is richly blessed because of Him.

      Like

  36. jmchri13 · · Reply

    Thanks so much for the follow and the kind words. I look forward to reading your posts. You have a great story as well.

    Like

    1. Just another unfinished human on the journey of life. Thank you for the read.

      Like

  37. Inspirational! God bless you!

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  38. Your life journey was not easy. You already through many things. But thank you to God, you are as you are now. God is faithful. I strongly believe that God will walk with you till the end. God’s grace upon you ((hugs))

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    1. Thank you, Sella. I know He walks with me, and is not finished with me yet. He uplifts me every day. 🙂

      Like

  39. Wise words Grasshopper! I have been in the Word. the Holy Spirit is working and I am making progress. Thank you for your kind words. I will keep up with your blog! I’ve journaled for years and thought I would do a blog and be honest on the blog. It reflects my heart and mind.

    Matt 11:28-30 MSG

    J

    Like

    1. Have a calm and peaceful Sunday, J.

      Like

  40. Susan: WOW! I can honestly say after reading your story, “been there,done that”. Am just now dealing with the damage after running for so many years! God Bless you!!!! Looking forward to more postings from you!

    J

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    1. Bless you. It does get easier. He grabs us and hugs us and holds onto us until we understand, down deep in our core, that we are loved, and He will never leave us. And the peace beyond all understanding comes. ❤

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      1. Has this happened with you?

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      2. Yes – I had to be willing to accept the grace and forgiveness He offers. I had to turn my heart completely over to Him and invite Him in to transform it. But I also had to be willing pray to Him every time I was tempted to help me overcome and turn my back on my own temptation and walk away from it. To pray every single day to keep the enemy away.

        It is not your will power that helps, but in your desire to surrender to His power that helps turns things around. I pray that God plants that desire in your heart.

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      3. How many years before you began dealing with it? I’ve run so many years I can no longer stay in front!!!

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      4. It’s different for everyone. Stop running. “Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

        I’m neither a pastor nor a counselor. I just know that once I stopped running from my sins, my shame and my guilt and turned to God – turned everything over to Him, He began to work in me.

        He doesn’t need you to change before He loves or saves you. That has already happened. Just stop running. There is nowhere you can run from Him. Instead of seeking partners, begin to seek Him by reading the book of John and the book of James in a Bible version you can understand (NLT Study Bible or The Message). As you read each section, give yourself time to reflect on it. Look at the commentary. Write about what the Holy Spirit tells you.

        It will come, step by step, page by page. This is all I can offer for now, my friend. I will come back to visit. I promise.

        Like

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