New Beginnings, A New Season
After a few anxious weeks and struggle with doubt, I am once again settled, learning my lesson for the 297th time that I am not in charge. Even after faithfully praying the Lord’s prayer every day for 8 weeks: “Thy will be done,” I still am surprised when it is.
My plans are nothing compared to God’s plans. Oh, I was praying for a place of my own. My lease was up and I’ve been living with other people for so many years, I prayed and prayed for my own place. But God said, “Not yet. Rest awhile longer with other people. Be in comfort. Learn to hear my voice.”
So here I am. I look from my desk out through a double set of windows onto Yokut Park. People come there to play with their children and their pets. I can see Mt. Diablo, and the changing leaves of fall.
As the season changes, the sun moves in and out of the clouds, yet the chill is in the air. Yesterday, the warm, lingering rays of the sun streamed through my room; those in the park wore t-shirts and sandals. Today, wispy clouds drift over the light blue sky; bicycle riders pass by bundled in jackets, gloves and knit hats.
Looking upon the scene, leaves dotting the verdant grass like a beautifully patterned carpet, I can’t help but think of creation. Everything near and distance has all been formed by God’s hand, including me.
For You shaped me, inside and out.
You knitted me together in my mother’s womb long before I took my first breath.
I will offer You my grateful heart, for I am Your unique creation, filled with wonder and awe.
You have approached even the smallest details with excellence;
Your works are wonderful;
I carry this knowledge deep within my soul.
You see all things; nothing about me was hidden from You
As I took shape in secret,
carefully crafted in the heart of the earth before I was born from its womb.
You see all things;
You saw me growing, changing in my mother’s womb;
Every detail of my life was already written in Your book;
You established the length of my life before I ever tasted the sweetness of it.
(Psalm 139:13-16 The Voice)
How, in my own arrogance, can I not trust in God’s will and God’s plan?
In my “better” moments – those times and days when I focus on God, when I actually follow Jesus, when I practice and embody the fruit of the Holy Spirit, when I simplify my life and cut it all down to the core – Christ in me – I experience a sweet peace and innermost joy beyond explanation. Circumstances don’t matter. I seek, work for and build God’s kingdom in small and private ways. Those days are inexplicably beautiful.
Dear Heavenly Father, in this new season, I pray that those days will be more frequent, that I will be more conscious of having a conversation with you instead of at you, that I will learn to recognize and listen to your voice, that I will look forward to your will and step into it with joy.