Heart Condition

New Beginnings, A New Season

After a few anxious weeks and struggle with doubt, I am once again settled, learning my lesson for the 297th time that I am not in charge. Even after faithfully praying the Lord’s prayer every day for 8 weeks: “Thy will be done,” I still am surprised when it is.

My plans are nothing compared to God’s plans. Oh, I was praying for a place of my own. My lease was up and I’ve been living with other people for so many years, I prayed and prayed for my own place. But God said, “Not yet. Rest awhile longer with other people. Be in comfort. Learn to hear my voice.”

So here I am. I look from my desk out through a double set of windows onto Yokut Park. People come there to play with their children and their pets. I can see Mt. Diablo, and the changing leaves of fall.

Fall colors in Yokut Park

Fall colors in Yokut Park

As the season changes, the sun moves in and out of the clouds, yet the chill is in the air. Yesterday, the warm, lingering rays of the sun streamed through my room; those in the park wore t-shirts and sandals. Today, wispy clouds drift over the light blue sky; bicycle riders pass by bundled in jackets, gloves and knit hats.

Mt. Diablo in the distance

Mt. Diablo in the distance

Looking upon the scene, leaves dotting the verdant grass like a beautifully patterned carpet, I can’t help but think of creation. Everything near and distance has all been formed by God’s hand, including me.

For You shaped me, inside and out.
You knitted me together in my mother’s womb long before I took my first breath.
I will offer You my grateful heart, for I am Your unique creation, filled with wonder and awe.
You have approached even the smallest details with excellence;
Your works are wonderful;
I carry this knowledge deep within my soul.
You see all things; nothing about me was hidden from You
As I took shape in secret,
carefully crafted in the heart of the earth before I was born from its womb.
 You see all things;
You saw me growing, changing in my mother’s womb;
Every detail of my life was already written in Your book;
You established the length of my life before I ever tasted the sweetness of it.

(Psalm 139:13-16 The Voice)

How, in my own arrogance, can I not trust in God’s will and God’s plan?

In my “better” moments – those times and days when I focus on God, when I actually follow Jesus, when I practice and embody the fruit of the Holy Spirit, when I simplify my life and cut it all down to the core – Christ in me – I experience a sweet peace and innermost joy beyond explanation. Circumstances don’t matter. I seek, work for and build God’s kingdom in small and private ways. Those days are inexplicably beautiful.

 Dear Heavenly Father, in this new season, I pray that those days will be more frequent, that I will be more conscious of having a conversation with you instead of at you, that I will learn to recognize and listen to your voice, that I will look forward to your will and step into it with joy.

 

Wall hanging; gift from a dear friend

Wall hanging; gift from a dear friend

23 comments

  1. I wish I had that kind of view from my desk. 🙂

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    1. It’s quite inspiring. Perhaps one day….does wonders for the attitude, I can tell you! Thanks for coming over and visiting!

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      1. Susan, thank you for your kind words…but I think I accidentally erased them, lol. I just started on WordPress today and I have very little idea of how to work it, but nice to meet you, lol….
        ~Cindy (Steps Of Courage)

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      2. Reposted what I think I said…same sentiments, anyway. Nice to meet you, too, Cindy. 😉

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  2. As Dr. Charles Stanley says, it is good to start and end every day on our knees. This was a lovely post.

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    1. Thanks so much, Beth. I used to listen to Charles a lot – now I listen to Andy. Gotta love them. It’s pouring rain at the moment and am loving the shining streets and rooftops. There’s so much newness in the sound and smell.

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  3. Mich-in-French · ·

    I can so relate to the space you are in Susan. I smiled the whole way through your post – He knows us so well and He loves us enough to be in charge of the timing when we give Him control. You are only going to know the peace He brings in this space – that much I really know. May He continue to show you how perfect His plan is for you.

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    1. Thank you. Yes, your words ring true. I’ve been watching the sky and ground changing from moment to moment the last two days – sun, fog, brilliant sunset, streets shining with rain this morning, low clouds hanging over the mountain top. His work is breathtaking. I’m going to enjoy this season He has given me. Quiet, tranquil, restorative. I praise Him throughout it all.

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      1. Mich-in-French · ·

        Then you are in the right place…;)

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  4. Ahh Susan, I sense your deep peace as you share this lovely post with us now that you have settled into your new home, even as you await God’s timing in all things.

    This is where He wants you to be, for the now. In all things, as we wait for him, (I literally just read this morning before I had read your post, ‘Be still before the Lord and wait patiently before him’ Ps 37:7) you are assured of his comfort, ongoing guidance and peace.

    What a beautiful view you have and what creation all around you. Bless you my dear friend in your new home and a fresh start.

    With love, Sherri xxx

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    1. So funny, Sherri; my reading this morning was Psalm 27:13-14 – “I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” I think He wants me to rest and wait on Him. 😉 Yes, I do feel more at peace than I thought I would. It is a definite blessing here. Much more quiet, and it is a fresh start. What I didn’t say is that my older brother (who is not a believer and with whom I have only recently become reunited after an 8-year separation) just sent me a check for $5,000. A gift, simply because, he said, “I don’t need it and I know you do.” God does work His blessings in amazing ways.

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      1. The scripture you shared is one that comes my way so often and, dear sister, I wait with you. It would certainly seem to be His message for you at this time 🙂

        How amazing for your brother to gift you in this way, and also that you have been reunited. Praise God, His ways are so unexpected and so wonderful 🙂

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      2. Amen. I now have an “emergency fund” to draw from. I live quite frugally on my disability check and medicare. This takes a huge worry and burden off my shoulders. It really was wonderful.

        Looking forward to those Christmas songs, my friend!

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      3. How wonderful to have that burden lifted, a very great blessing!

        Yes, watch this space 🙂

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  5. Isn’t our God so good? I am so happy for you.

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    1. He is wonderful, and His timing is always so much better than ours!

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  6. A beautiful post, Susan. Thank you.

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    1. Ah, you are most welcome, kind sir. I hope you are well and your heart is full today.

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      1. All is well here, thank you for asking. 🙂

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  7. Wishing you peace in your new home!

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    1. Thank you so much. It feels extremely peaceful at the moment. Peace back to you, too, my friend.

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  8. Oh Susan you do too hear him dear, else such beauty and praise would not come from you.

    Just like in this beautiful post, one day T-Shirts, another sweaters and coats. So is the unpredictability of his ways;And with diligence we adapt to which ever the day brings.

    On crisp wintery days, we go for coats and any sudden bursts of sunlight, sees us in our T’s.
    Yours will come in his time, until then, you abide still.

    You always remind me of his love and grace 🙂 thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.

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    1. Oh, bless you, Dotta. My hope is to hear him more often, hear him without a doubt, hear him richly and clearly in order to follow his lead and build his kingdom. I am just now staring at Mt. Diablo, the sun behind it, the clouds ridged in stunning beauty. I get such joy in my heart from his wonderful creation. Praise to God for his paint brush!

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